…whom I will call Mr.XY for the purposes of this story (nickname – courtesy and copyright of Zuzana). (Zuzana’s got her own Mr.XY too, but her story is coming up some other time).
So once upon a time, at an unnamed university a girl who was just like me, happened to go to the same class with this guy XY. They always talked to each other in the fag-during-a-lecture-break-in-the-uni-yard way and their subjects of conversation usually didn’t get beyond uni work, politics, etc. That wasn’t until they went to a pub with a whole bunch of other students after they passed their final exams. It started off by him thinking that I was 25, me getting upset in the fake way (do I look that old???) and him trying to make up for it by saying how I caught his eye the moment he saw me in one of our seminars, that he thought I was good looking bla bla bla…you know the smooth talk. Then he said if he wasn’t with his current girlfriend, he would have been going out with me, that he likes the kind of girls like me, etc. (save the thought: WHY, WHY, WHY did he say all these things to me? for later when more information is revealed)
Then I slept over his place cos his flat was close to the pub (and he offered it to me – but also to other people so there was few of was sleeping there). So nothing happened obviously but I was kinda hooked….
Few weeks later, getting bored during the holidays I decided to organize a little uni reunion so I emailed him and his flatmate (whose happens to have the same name, apparently liked me too and is single…anyway you don’t want to get involved with more than one Mr.XY…in fact any Mr.XY after you finish reading this) so that they would contact the others and we would go out to a pub (I didn’t have the contacts for others although if I looked for them really hard, I might have found them...but why would I do that?).
It turned out that all the others couldn’t make it (which I was secretly hoping) so it was just the two us. And inevitably, after talking about work, politics, universities, impossible to get student loans, his circumcision etc.(you see totally common topics to talk about with a semi-stranger) we got talking about that stuff again - that we would be really compatible as a couple, the effort he made to get my number from a lecturer at the beginning of the school year (yet he never managed to text me or email me anything more exciting than some coursework stuff) and just more and more smooth talk (while I was getting more and more excited that this is actually leading onto something).
He also happened to talk a lot about his gf, giving me details of how he picked her b-day present, how she is different to all the previous girls he was with, etc. He also didn’t forget to say that before this gf, he was quite a ladies man, cheating on gf’s and swapping them more often than socks (he actually compared himself to the Clive Owen character in Closer if u saw the flick). But with this gf it’s for real, he calmed down, wants to be faithful, etc. (talking about mixed messages, especially when juxtaposed with what he said before – btw Mrs. Bardova or Mrs. Gault would have loved me for using “juxtaposed”).
Then I said how much I liked doing spontaneous things so he suggested we walked up the hill above the pub to see this great view of Prague (did I say it was a terribly romantic view too???). So we were standing there, watching Prague at night and I was just waiting (or dying) for him to kiss me. All he did was that he offered me a cigarette (booo!) and then touched my waist and leaned me towards him (hurrah!) to show me the lights of the Czech TV building which I couldn’t see before as I was standing 2 metres ways from him. He, again, offered me to sleep over his place, saying his flatmate was away (I mean - hello! could this be any more obvious?), only to add that I can sleep in his flatmate’s bed (what the F???).
So we walked to his place, he said that he liked the smell of perfume and instead of being over the moon, I was just the most confused girl in the world. I mean on one hand I was convinced he was hitting on me, on the other hand I got the impression he loved his gf and we were acting just like good friends/old flames who can get above the physical stuff that spoils any male-female relationship sooner or later…
In his flat, we lied in his bed (again two meters away from each other) and watched Closer (how symbolic!), then he fell asleep and followed shortly afterwards. During the night he moved to this flatmate’s bed (I still don’t understand why). Then we got up in the morning, had tea/coffee, we said good-byes and I went home.
Oh and did I say that I drank 6 mojitos, he had six beers and I was wearing a low-cut dress that night??? So you see I was still confused as ever (plus whoever said that alcohol makes you lose inhibitions was clearly lying).
That’s until I met with my mates later in the week who reckoned he was indeed hitting on me but he was just scared to make the first move (apparently the fact that he’s bit younger explains it all – apparently in his eyes, I was this older, more experienced hot goddess of sex who seduces man “jak Bata seka cvicky” or something – I mean, does that sound like me???). In my defense, I was scared too! Especially after all this gf talk plus in the film Hitch, it’s the guy whose supposed to go 90 percent of the way and the girl 10 percent and he clearly went 0 percent. Not that I used Hollywood fiction as the guide for my life but you know….
But I was getting more and more mad at myself for not doing anything that night (I couldn’t understand what I was scared of??? Even if he rejected me, yes it would be embarrassing but I wouldn’t have to see him ever again afterwards so I wasn’t risking anything…still). So I decided to give it another shot (all I really wanted was sex, not to break-up his wonderful relationship with his wonderful gf…afterall, I’m leaving Prague in few weeks…and I never ever had sex with a circumcised man:-).
So I thought it would be best to use his birthday (which was luckily one week after that incident) as a pretext to text him (pun unintended). I happened to find out about his birthday on icq (official version) but in fact it was when I googled him (and I know you do it too so no judgement please!). So after much thought and discussion I decided to go for the “funny” birthday message which would hopefully spark off further sms conversation. It said something like: Hi, my icq has been flashing at me like mad for ages that it’s your birthday today so happy birthday and celebrate in a way appropriate to your age (he was only turning 22) smiley face.
Apparently, it’s only me and Zuzana who thought it was funny. (and I’m never using Zuzana again as my sms advisor: a) she’s still single and never managed to get a bf through text messages – mostly cos she never texts the guys she’s interested in, b) she thought a funny way to invite a guy she had crush on to a party was to text: Hey it’s the 16th anniversary of unearthing bone remains of a T-Rex called Sue in South Dakota so that deserves a drink…I mean, that screams boring, nerdy, desperate!)
Luckily she never sent the message. As for me, so far I got no reply from Mr.XY. Not even thanks for the sms and now f*** off…absolutely nothing.
So at yet another drinking session in Wigwam, my male friends suggested the b-day sms was OK but not obvious enough (basically, unless you say “f*** me now” in a text message, guys just don’t get it) so I should text him again. This time I used this garden party at my house as a pretext (which I only organized in order to have a pretext to invite him) and sticked to what my male friends thought works best on male species. It said something like: Hi there, I’m throwing a barbecue party at my house this Wednesday from 7 so it would be great if you could make it. Bring some drinks, sleepover provided (in my bed – OK, I didn’t say that:-).
And guess what?! So far no reply and I’m still counting…(Slepy, you're a dead man!)
I mean could you believe it??? Whatever happened to good manners? It wouldn’t hurt him to make up a lame excuse or just to ask me to stop bothering him or whatever but this???
I’m so glad I didn’t start anything with this asshole…as if I needed yet another bad experience with men!
