yesterday...

I did this IQ test online which you cant take seriously cos it is just some pop psychology (and the questions were supereasy). That probably explains why my result was IQ 140 and they suggested me to join Mensa...I was thrilled anyway
that is until today when I read this article presenting results of a research on what men want in women. The results were not suprising:
Men want tall, dark-haired (not thats surprising), skinny girls with big breasts who are domestic goddesses. Good looks and housewife potential matter the most to Czech men.
As most desirable qualities men quoted: honest, hard working (in the kitchen they mean), modest and nice. (have you noticed these are all qualities that men totally lack?)
Least desirable qualities in women included intelligence, self-confidence, energy (not so much suprising as depressing). I mean what hope there is for people like me??? well at least I got the dark hair bit right but doesnt seem to help so far...

a while ago...

I posted an ad on this expats website, looking for an english teacher (not for me obviously but my work colleagues - I was happy to interview all the potential /male/ candidates for them:-) and I got some really strange replies.
This one guy thought I was a prostitute who wanted to offer him sexual services (what´s his problem???), another one simply replied: I can teach you english but I am in Nigeria, do you think it can work?
not mentioning all those people who made all these massive grammar mistakes yet wanted to teach it to someone else...
its a shame I deleted all the replies and cant remeber any more of them, most of them was hilarious...oh well.

i will do my best...

to ignore Valentines day (although feel free to send me a bunch of flowers or choccies to office - just to make my colleagues jealous...), i might go for a romantic dinner with my best female (single) friend. Last week I asked a friend of mine to go for a drink this week, I suggested Monday - "Ive got some evening work do" said Miss Important at Work, so Tuesday then -
"Duh...its Valentines Day, I will be with my boyfriend" said Miss Important and Smug. Back then I really totally forgot about it. Silly me...
so we might not be going for a drink but I might go for one with one of her male friends she will hopefully hook me up with (its promising, he said yes to a blind date plus hes a law student - meaning smart - and works as part time gym instructor - meaning hot body.) I might not be such a dating loser after all...
Although on saturday I went out with one my (single female) friends (SFF from now on) to this lovely bar known for fabolous cocktails and too many couples enjoying them. We dared to go there anyway and we actually spotted two and two guys, one pair of them sitting right next to us. In this big mirror on the wall we were eyeing the other two guys only to realize they were gay (they both drank white wine by glass) so really the place was full of couples.
Focusing on the other pair sitting next to us and clearly not gay, we got really lucky when I accidentally blew off the candle so we HAD to ask them for a lighter (really had to - no cheesy chat up line since my friend couldnt light her fags otherwise). So I asked them in English assuming such good looking guys couldnt be Czech but actually it turned out they were Czech (yipee!) and overheard our whole previous conversation (on the topic: us - single - losers - no-men - dating - disaster - too - demanding - old - spinster - men - cheating - assholes ELABORATE!) (boohoo!)...but I mean what else are we meant to talk about...

been a long time...

i will make up for it with this superfunny thing (courtesy of Zuzka - I think guys deserve to know too).unfortunately its only in czech, when I have absolutely nothing to do I might translate it for those who dont speak Czech (but it may take less time for you to learn Czech than me having so much free time on my hands).
Rady pro ženy
Aby brambory neklíčily, je potřeba vložit do pytle s bramborami jablko.
Ne, správně je: Kupte očištěné brambory nebo hranolky, dejte je domrazničky a mějte je tam i celý rok.

Než vlijete těsto do formy, vymažte ji tukem a vysypte moukou nebostrouhankou.
Ne, správně je: V obchodě za rohem prodávají hotovézákusky. Není to daleko a je to bez práce

Když se vám podaří přesolit polévku, hoďte do ní, ještě během vařeníkousek brambory.
Ne, správně je: Vaše rodina má být ráda, že jste vůbecněco uvařila a je jedno, jestli je to k jídlu.

Bolí vás hlava? Vezměte citron, rozkrojte jej na polovinu a potřete sijim čelo. Bolest ustoupí.
Ne, správně je: Vezměte citron, rozkrojte jejna polovinu, hoďte jej do sklenice s tequilou a vypijte. Hlava vás budebolet dál, ale budete příliš opilá na to, aby vám to vadilo.

Aby vám láhev vína při otevírání neklouzala, zabalte ji do utěrky.
Ne,správně je: Oblečte si něco sexy a zaklepejte na dveře souseda.

Zůstalo vám víno? Zmrazte jej do kostek ledu a použijte na ochucení masaa omáček. Ne, správně je: Cože, zbytky vína? Něco takového neznám!

Hádanky
Co mají společného muži a mraky?Hodně. Jakmile odtáhnou, nastane hezký den.

Jaké tři největší krize prožívá muž?Ztrátu ženy, vyhazov ze zaměstnání a škrábanec na autě.

Co je to muž?Jen pár centimetru masa navíc.

Proč se zřítí zídka, o kterou se muž opřel?Moudřejší ustoupí.

Dokážete si představit svět bez mužů?Žádná zločinnost a spousta tlustých, šťastných žen.

Proč má tolik mužů nohy do O?Nedůležité věci se obvykle dávají do závorek.

Co znamená muž v sudu s kyselinou solnou?Vyřešený problém.

Co dělá žena, když muž kličkuje po zahradě?Klidně střílí dál.

Proč mívají ženy poslední slovo?Protože muže už nic nenapadá.

Jaký je rozdíl mezi mužem a mléčným zubem?Mléčný zub ví, kdy má vypadnout.

Kolik času muži zabere výměna jedné role toaletního papíru? Nevíme,takový případ ještě nebyl zaznamenán.

Quick reminder of our wonderful NYE party...

well that was another disaster...

why did I ever think I had a hidden dancing talent and was to become the next J.Lo? Thats the reason why I signed for this hip hop dancing class which I thought would be megacool but in fact it turned out to be a complete failure. It was overcrowded (with 17yr old girls),who didnt seem to be beginners at all and then there was me who couldnt get anything right plus being one of the tallest people there it made it all even more obvious. I now understand why hip hop stars get paid so much, all that dancing in the videos must take ages (and a nerve) to practise. I actually managed to get the routines semi-right when done slowly (still mixing left and right) but with music on Im sure everyone must have had a great laugh at me...Needless to say I immediately switched to ballet class which Ive done before and I can actually follow cos its slow!(please dont laugh out loud at the idea of me doing ballet - those who know me anyway)
After that I hooked up with Edita and Michelle for lovely dinner (breaking all the detox rules) but with potential dates coming out of it. I re-found a friend in Edita as she apparently has single male friends (hopefully willing to go on a date with me). I was meant to meet one of them at my last birthday party where she brought him as my b-day present (how thoughtful - couldnt think of a better pressie!), the only problem being I cancelled the party like an hour before its start as everyone else couldnt make it and I was upset about only 2 out of 20 people turning out to MY birthday party. But apparently those two people who actually could be bothered to come got me really nice presents (e.g. that guy, a playgirl T-shirt, etc.) and are still upset today about me cancelling the thing...as if I was still mad at those other 18 people who made up crappy excuses last minute! Anyway Im definitely having a party this year even if only one person came cos I know better now...

no wonder my love life is down

at the moment. I checked this horoscope website which features biorythms according to your exact date of birth and for the past week my emotional biorythm has been down by 90 - 100% (and will be in the days to come). can you imagine how bad it looks to see the figure like -97% with three hearts crossed in the biorythm chart...im feeling emotionally down just by looking at it!